The Caretaker

"Disclaimer: this is a my thought for the week! I wanted to record this somewhere and found no other place than the public domain. This is still only a TIP ('thought in progress'). Please feel free to comment and/or ignore."

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This is a beaten and bruised thought. Everyone has spoken, written or at least thought about this at some point of time in their life. And after reading this piece, if you feel that you have not thought about it, spot on, this is precisely for you. For others, see if this will open up a new perspective. Tinker your thoughts and reflect upon an argument – “nothing is yours”.

When I was born, nothing was mine. Sourcing all I needed from my mother, I was a parasite. At the first site of light, the doctor cut my umbilical cord, and then I was set free, frightfully, with nothing.

Looking at myself I have felt that I am the center of the universe. I am complete and everything is mine. Everything I do should succeed. I deserve all that I wish. Little do I realize the person sitting next to me also undergoes the same emotional surge? Little did I appreciate that to him or her, I am non-existent, and if there is a center, that is that 'self'.

Introspection and looking at this world with the benefit of hindsight, I feel that all I have thought till now is just a fallacy of immaturity, something that everyone passes through. If someone has not, kudos!!! In reality, our presence in this world is just a passage of time – we happened to be here at this moment. Otherwise, nothing is created by us and nothing is ours. There were people before us and there will be generations after us. They will all enjoy in varying degrees what we have enjoyed. This truth is consistent across all wakes of life – be it the nature, relationships, career, and other processions. My parents enjoyed this world, so am I, though far differently than they did. Before I opened batting for my state and club team, there were other openers and after me, they still have. Before I married, my wife had others as hers' and one day; she will have someone else who is important when in between I take care of her. Before I joined my job, someone else did manage it and after I quit, someone else will replace me. This world existed before, now and in the future too. We only happen to be here and will perish. There will be generations after us and they will continue to live in this world.

I didn’t come to this world with processions; neither will I go back with any. I might build the largest empire. The empire will last, but not me. The richest man in this world will move on. The best he can get is a posh cremation, all alone. This makes me argue – am I only a caretaker to all I think I own. I thought I owned I am a care taker to my wife till someone else becomes important to her, my parents were my caretaker yesterday and my next generation will take care of me tomorrow. I am taking care of my job till someone fills in my shoes. This continues and extends to all wakes of life.

I am ONLY a caretaker???

Is it possible that I own something? Is there something that will live my life – and cease to exist with me? Am I a complete owner to something?

What about my thoughts?

India is in its Primetime

I remember the pre-cable era – we all had lot of time for the family. As a school going kid, I always wanted to engage in discussions with my mother and brother when my mother wanted me to study. She had nothing else to do but to ensure that her two sons were well fed while she waited for my father to return from office and be bored with the wait.

On my part, I used to wait for the clock to strike 9.00. At 9.00 PM, I got a break from my hours of pretension and could focus on watching the serials that were shown at the prime-time. I remember watching the longest ever serial of those days – Buniyad. I used to think when that serial would get over and something like a Nukkad replace it. Buniyad was out of my comprehension. Mostly serials lasted 3 months (13 weeks/episodes). A week would have 5 serials and hence I had my favorite days in the week (Sunday was never challenged for obvious and multiple reasons). The hope was that, however bad a serial could be, it got over in 3 months and you bear it only for a day in a week.

The open India saw the arrival for the ‘new normal’ – an India transformed by cable signals. Towards the end of the last century, the cable led India was dominated by TV ‘Soaps’. I used to think that only Kerala had the culture of long never ending soaps. The illusion was corrected when I got transferred to Pune where I saw my landlord watching series of soaps – all of them were Hindi. I was shocked to note that all languages in India have the same theme – long unimaginable hours of melodrama and that from 6.00 PM to 11.00 at night. House wives reaffirmed their understanding of these otherwise un-understandable soaps watching the repeat telecast the next day.

All these soaps had the same theme – highly disconnected from reality, played 5 days a week, for not less than 3 years. In effect, I wouldn’t have met my degree mates as many times during the course of graduation as many Indians meet the characters of the soaps. Statistics revel that heroines of these soaps wept for almost 73 % of the duration and were accompanied by their audience – mostly heroines in their own right. The characters needed less makeup as they in reality grow old along with the character. Most of the soaps had a female antagonist pulling the strings against the heroine. There have been cases where the director got so confused that in his story a wife ended up having an affair with her husband without his knowledge (hope you understood…I didn’t!!!).

The upside of these strings of endless soaps was startling. Research showed that the number of divorces in India reduced drastically – couple rarely got a chance to fight and when they did, they felt that their story was better than that of their ‘best friend’. The life expectancy went up enormously – old bedridden senior citizens would live an extra day to know what happened to a ‘Vidya’ or a ‘Jessi’.

Soon, the next generation interested in the fast paced life had obvious reservations to the domination of serials in their life. Food, prepared in the morning between the repeat telecasts and the original show, would be served only after 11. Their parents would realize their presence in the house only if they don’t break the 6.00 PM barrier. Parents insisted their children studied – which meant less of disturbance for them. Mood of the parents would be directly proportional to the mood of the episode – mostly sad.

The next generation persisted to win. Soaps gave way to something more interactive – the reality TV. Anything to everything in India had a reality show. To select the best dancer, to select the best singer, to select the most intelligent etc. The stake of reality TV shows rose with the arrival of the roadies and Big bosses. It reached its peak when Rakhi decided to find her partner for life through a reality show. Sources close to the Prime Minister confirmed that he was learning the art of innovatively wearing turban – an art he could master to win the next term in the post, provided he gets enough sms’.

The next wave of TRP record beater is Arnab Goswami and his News Hour – the talk show in Times Now at 9.00 PM. He has all of it to be the leader of the pack. His shows have the melodrama that soap would carry, it had an antagonist almost every day and the government fitted the bill. It had a victim everyday. Like serials, his show comes 5 times a day for - don’t know how many years. Like the reality shows, his shows are real, he asks for more and more sms’s to flow in. Though the topics discussed were very relevant unlike soaps – it ended in nothing other than the agenda he had in mind. Whatever the discussion turns out to be, the end would be what Mr Goswami had decided in the beginning.

My parents always cribbed about the stories in the soaps and promised not to watch it the next day. Yet, they would be the first to be in front of the TV the next day. Today, I watch this program, amidst resistance just like how my parents did, to get frustrated by the content, its conducted. Only saving grace - it reveals the hypocrisy of an average Indian politician every day. 5 characters are a part of my life now - Abhishek Manu Singhvi, Rajiv Pratap Rudy, Manoj Tiwary, Ravi Shankar Prasad and the irreplaceable – Aranab Goswami.

Yes, Prime Time Rules India!!!

Off to a Flyer !!!

World Cup 2011 got off to a flying start – at last. There has been so much hype around this mega global cricketing event that we have been waiting this occasion for ever. After the lack-luster edition of the world cup in 2007, where the two sub continent giants didn’t see through the first few weeks, this year has sounded more promising than ever for a couple of reasons. Firstly, this edition of the world cup is played in the sub continent where the passion for the sport is unmatched in the rest of the world and secondly, this year promises to be the best chance for one of the sub continent teams to win the coveted trophy.

Between the Over’s
Cricket is increasingly becoming commercial over the years. Kerry Packer saw the opportunity with the marketability of the game in late 1970’s when he introduced lights, color dresses and lots of speed in the game. Later, BCCI saw that an average Indian gave more importance to the basic necessity of life – Cricket, followed by the others - Food, Clothing, and Shelter. They saw enough opportunities to market this game and its players that soon they became one of the richest sports administration body in the world. Credit for this turn-around should be attributed to Jagmohan Dlamiya (TV rights) and Lalit Modi (IPL), both of whom incidentally could not come out with clean records of integrity. I wonder if the Harvards and the IIMs are noting the story of quick turn around that the BCCI has witnessed, creating case studies and including them in their curriculum.

Neo colonization
In 1990s, cricket turned out to be a commercial hit in the sub-continent and slowly the cricket associations of the region, led by India, became a strong lobby within the International cricketing body. The association has shown its influence in the governance of cricket globally and has arm-twisted the parent body and its representatives on numerous occasions. That, many believe, is the reason for the sub-continent to stake its claims in the quadrennial event this year. No doubt, the sub continent knows the business and has the support of a passionate public to convert this event into a success.

Learning from Mistakes
The fixture of this event has been discussed often – with many supporting the long gaps between the matches of teams in the pretext that these gaps will give players sufficient time for recover from injury and fatigue while others blamed this fixture to be boring and lacking rhythm and continuity. Contrary to all believes and reasons, I feel that the major reason why the tournament is so spaced is learning out of last edition. This year, even if India and/or Pakistan are out of the first round, the corporate houses and the associations will generate enough revenue to at least break-even though advertisements over a month. Last edition saw many Marketing heads in large corporate houses who had betted on a very strong television viewer ship during the world cup spin. To still ensure that the interest in the event lasts long, the format is also altered in order to give the higher ranked teams (read: India and Pakistan) better chance to qualify to the knock out stage.

Wishing the Best
As mentioned above, this edition of the world cup is going to be a big hit. I hope all the teams fare well and set high standards of skill and gamesman ship through out the next two months. All the best for all ! ! !

I am alone...can I brainstorm?

Definition of Brainstorming as defined by online dictionary (www.dictionary.com) is “a conference technique of solving specific problems, amassing information, stimulating creative thinking, developing new ideas, etc., by unrestrained and spontaneous participation in discussion”.

As per the definition, there are some basic essentials for brainstorming . Fist and the foremost is that there has to be a collection of brains in action. Secondly, it is done through participation in discussion.

Now, let us think of Daniel Defoe’s ‘Robinson Crusoe’ stranded all alone in an alien tropical Island in Venezuela, not knowing where he is and more importantly, what his future is. He tries his best to make way out of the island to civilization, but does not succeed. Imagine, he had a large bunch of friends, with different experiences, intelligence levels and perceptions in the island. He would have called them up for a meeting and brainstormed for ideas to get away into civilization. In the absence of this luxury, he spent 28 long years in the remote island struggling for existence, before finally being rescued.

Imagine, had he been able to understand his brain and the thinking process. Crusoe would have compartmentalized his brain into silos. A first person that Robinson Crusoe is, a second person who is an expert with islands and water and a third person who has been thorough similar anxious moments. He could have come up with distinct set of ideas from all these characters that he has turned into, debated with ‘himself’, and found out a set of possible escape ideas. All this would have happened in only couple of hours of “independent individual brainstorming”.

How is this idea? Now the question is;

• Will someone ever be able to get into 3 different characters (or will (s)he be perceived to have mental disorder characterized by symptoms, such as delusions or hallucinations, that indicate impaired contact with reality)?

• Can one ever play a ‘role-play’ where you are enacting 3 distinct yet complementary characters?

• Can one ever forget himself and be objective?

If the answer to these questions is positive, yes, we could see a difference in the way decisions come out of individuals. Creativity will hit new heights; as the number of brains involved in a decision will be a multiple of number of people involved in that decision.

Awaiting your thoughts on this ‘lateral concept’ J

The Global ‘Crisis’ – An opportunity to re-learn Maslow’s Motivation theory

I am an Indian writing this blog. Hence this is MY Indian perspective on some popular theories that govern our lives today.
Generations in India
I have herein tried to broadly classify India into different generations. Prior to the sunset of the British rule in India which ‘politically’ ended in 1947, India had a generation that lived in kingdoms, Independent in their lives, but governed by the British. This class has seen poverty being magnified day by day, people struggling to earn their square meal, still forced to pay taxes and a society ridden by caste. There was also an affluent minority that was limited to kings and their nobles.
Post British rule, India has seen many generations in a span of 60 years. Life has changed globally as well as in India at a pace that each passing year seems to belong to a different generation. For the sake of convenience, let me again indulge in a classification exercise the result of which is detailed below,
- those in their teens at the time of India’s birth,
- those born with India, and
- those born in the 70’s, the notorious financial emergency defines this generation,
- those born during mid 80s, the assassination of Indira Gandhi and the economic awakening characterize this Indian generation.
Each of the above group has distinct characteristics and it can be argued that the characteristics are a result of the time and the place they were brought up in. A lot also depends on the generation of their guardians.
In this article, I present my analysis of the 3rd category mentioned above, i.e. the post 70s generation. This generation, brought up during the financial emergency, had their first memories aligned to the new experience that was to dominate Indian economy in the years to come – the information technology industry. Some characteristics, I have observed defining this generation is listed below.
- Ambition
- Thirst for action
- Confidence
- Risk taking
- Restless
- Impulsive
A section of this generation, predominantly from the influential Indian middle class, went on to choose their careers in the booming IT industry. Competition among players in the IT sector led to a redefinition of compensation packages provided to employees. Recruitment and retention drives acquired levels of aggressiveness never experienced earlier. Weary of falling way behind the IT sector, other industries also started focusing on talent acquisition thereby increasing compensation scales across industries. Opening up of Indian economy triggered a never-seen-before growth in the industrial and services sector and soon India became the 2nd fastest growing economy behind China. The average per-capita salaries started growing at a pace that would beat the rickshaw meters in the densest IT city in the world – Bangalore. The Forbes list has a big contingent of Indians in the top 50 richest.
The growing economy in synergy with the characteristics of this generation created a platform for development of a perfect market ecosystem that developed around it.
Maslow’s Motivation Theory – Hierarchy of Needs
Maslow suggested that the individual needs follow a hierarchy. The need hierarchy of an individual starts from physiological needs (food, water, and other basic necessities)On satisfying his basic needs, he tries to satisfy his safety needs. Safety here includes security of his body, employment, morality, property etc. Once he satisfies these, his need then elevates into the next level which is his social needs. Here he tries to attain social respect, improve his social circle, family etc. Next in the need hierarchy is esteem. In this stage he strives to achieve self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect etc. All the above needs are categorized as deficiency needs. The top most in the pyramid of needs is the self-actualization need. Here a human being realizes his maximum potential and starts objectively accepting facts. This is the pinnacle of one’s achievements.
Want into Need
Do I need all I have? Do I have all I need?
The truth is that today we convert a want into a need.
I was observing the way the younger generation today satisfy their needs. I am hungry. I go to a restaurant and order for a sumptuous and rich Andhra meals. This comes with ghee, a large contingent of side dishes, spicy pickles sweets etc. And all I end up eating is the curd rice available as a course of meal. The rest is just what I ‘wanted’ whereas the curd rice is what I needed.
I want a Maruti Swift and all I need is a Maruti 800. I justify my want for a Swift and convert that want into a need.
Human beings these days satisfy their wants when they buy and their needs when they consume. A generation prior to mine would have had a need and bought what he needed, at best, if he were unable to argue and beat this need.

Recent Financial Crisis and why it can Reinstates Maslow’s theory
The recent financial crisis has reinstated the theory Maslow brought out in 1942. Today’s generation, which calls itself Gen Y or the next generation has initiated this trend (I am an active member of Gen Y crowd). One important attribute that Maslow missed out in his theory of needs is “perceived need satisfaction”. Many of us try to satisfy our social and esteem needs. Going by Maslow’s need hierarchy, we would have already achieved the physiological and safety needs. And if you look at our lifestyle today, most of us will have a house to live in, a car to drive, confused with the abundance of food, not sure which dress to wear and which closet to pick it from, not sure which job to stick to, etc. But have we really satisfied these needs of ours? The recent financial crisis has exposed lot of realities and answered many of these questions.
Yes, we have houses and cars, for which banks pay the cost upfront. In effect we own the loans rather than the assets. Ownership of these assets are attained only after years of repayment of bank loans. We pamper ourselves with food of our choice, but pay food bills with our credit card. Here, again, the bank pays for it and we take up additional obligation to the bank. In effect, we still don’t earn our food for the day. Yes, we have jobs and plenty of those, but a financial crisis suddenly makes us feel that we were traversing a desert and we have just seen an oasis pass by.
This is where our “perceived need satisfaction” takes over the real need satisfaction. I perceive that I have attained all the physiological needs and the security needs and am now thriving for the higher levels. I will believe this till the reality strikes.
Positive
We have all through these years proven to be one of the most adaptable generations. We have adapted to the rapid changes the society has undergone. We grew with the cable TV changing the way we saw the world, we grew with mobile taking over the way we reach out to people, we grew with internet transforming the way we connect, and we grew with credit cards altering the way we shop.
This crisis is going to transform the way we live. It is going to reinstate the need hierarchy; it is going to bring out new models of employment. We all need to take this as an opportunity to adjust and learn to live a life, a life that would follow all the necessary hierarchies life has defined for us.

The battle wages on

On the 1st of February, Men’s Singles Finals for the Australian Open Tennis Championship was supposed to be played. As many had expected and wished, the match was between the world no. 1, Rafael Nadal and world no. 2, Roger Federrer.

The match started at 2.30 PM (IST) amidst all the pre-match speculations. It was predicted to be a cliffhanger and one that would test both the champions. Federrer has in the past has won the Australian Open, the Wimbledon and the US Open and has a tally of 13 grand slams. A win here would have equaled his tally with Pete Sampras, the one with the highest titles under his belt. Nadal on his part, arguably the best men’s tennis player has won the French Open and last year, broke into Federrer’s home (court) and stole the Wimbledon in an epic final. A win here would have extended his dominance over Fedderrer and given him his maiden slam on synthetic courts. The buildup was too feisty for me to miss the match even at the cost of a Sunday evening.

The match started with Nadal breaking Fedrrer’s serve and the later returned the favor soon. After close to 4.5 hours of seesaw battle Nadal triumphed in a match which can be easily termed as a legend. Very difficult to compare this with the one they played in June last year on grass.

I am not writing this ‘piece’, to describe the win. I am writing this just because I am enthralled at the quality of the match that was played in Melbourne today. There was a Nadal who had spent 5.5 hours on court on Friday in a country that is suffering heat-wave of magnitude that it has never seen before. And a Roger Federrer who had played almost perfect tennis in the last 2 rounds on his way to the finals. The result was just a formality, someone had to win. But the way the match was played was like Beethoven composing a masterpiece.

Nadal and Federrer were not playing for a win. They were playing to dominate the other. None of them wanted the Australian Open, they had their ego’s to please. At the end, the difference was small. Federrer played to regina his dominance where as Nadal played not to lose. Such was the relentlessness of Nadal that he chased down everything that Federrer had to offer. He scampered through every point and in the process forced Federrer to scamper. There would have been no inch on the court where the ball would not have landed and still each of them was chased down. If Federrer was sheer brilliance, Nadal was all precision with grit and determination.

These 2 legends play the game in a different planet and they belong there. Others in tennis today are sheer numbers to fill. Thanks to these 2 great warriors for giving me an opportunity to watch what I saw today, a match that forced me to key in these words. Hope to see these two toil out on the red clays at Rolland Garros.

those 35 runs

There are many occasions when we live our life the only way we know to live. In the retrospect, we often feel that we have acted stupid or have been exemplary. Everyone will have these memories to cherish and I am no different. I have a similar story to tell. Let me tell you, in the face of it, it was just another day. But, being inspired by the dramatics that we get to see in television every day, I tried to relook at this another day in the history. Here is what I have to say and the learning’s out of it. Please pardon me for keeping this so long. I will not be able to do justice to this by keping it short.
I was a member of a 17 member squad, that had gone to Thodupuzha (a lesser known place in Kerala) to play state selection matches. The squad size was beefed up to include the favorites of various districts and being a state team reserve the previous year, I was a senior member of this densely populated team. I was accompanied by around 3 members from my club team; another 3 friends from a rival club, a few district mates and the rest were the not-so-familiar faces that got into this level. There were a few localities whom the organizers and a few selectors were pushing hard for selection (probably the selectors were more keen to have them than the players themselves).
Before the 1st match had started (we were playing a 3 day match against the North Zone), there were a lot of confusions in my team regarding the team selection (our captain, Deepak, had his pick of players and the team manager had his list). After lot of arguments between the captain and the manager, we found that we had a different problem to confront - overnight rain and the lack of experience of hosting matches of this seriousness resulted in further delays in the match getting started. Ultimately, the moment of truth arrived. The match started at around 10.30 (sorry, can’t make it more dramatic as I don’t have the exact timings). Sanju, a ferocious opening batsmen of our days, a senior to me, and I had to walk in to bat. I have never liked late starts and this was playing in my mind. I also knew that the margin of error was less as a failure here and curtains would have been down for a player of my clout (or the lack of it). I was never keen on taking the strike first and Sanju did the honors. The 1st ball of the delayed start bore a single and I was here to take the strike. Still trying to wake up, I was least focused. The late start, the confusion in the team, probably my last chance, all these were playing in my mind. I am not sure if I had followed the normal mannerisms I would normally follow before I face a ball. I took my stance; I don’t remember what was going through my mind. Shibith, a decent bowler of our days was steaming in. I saw the first ball had kept a bit low. It had rained the previous night. New ball, attacking field and the calm after chatter-before-the-bowler-started. I saw Shibith reach close to the bowling crease. He delivered an almost perfect out swinger. I have never liked being tested in that area. I played the ball straight to covers (or at least I thought I did). The ball had by then kissed the outside edge, a faint one at that. I started walking back. I got only a single ball to play. All the preparation, only for a ball. All the expectations had drained in the rain that delayed the start and made the wicket damp. I was a failure. Deepak had fought hard to get me batting in this crowded side and I had let him down. Time was not moving and I thought the walk back to the pavilion was the longest I have ever had. A few people watching this failure from outside the ground, a few selectors smiling, a very happy Shibith and the North Zone team, including the opening batsman of their side (he has now a better chance to perform and be a part of the state side). I was being welcomed by a set of blank faces, some of whom didn’t know how to console and a few others who didn’t know how not to express their happiness (because they were in a better position to play the next match).
A few good innings’, a few more failures, a decent days play (obviously not for me), all these summed up day 1 of the match. With 2 more days to go will I get another chance to prove myself? Will I be able to go back to Kochin, back to my team mates with my head held high? I know that a 1st ball duck is not the end of life and that there is nothing to be ashamed of. But in reality, it is something one has to face to realize, how difficult it is to go back as a loser.
North Zone batted next day. We didn’t have a great start but wickets kept tumbling at regular intervals. With every wicket falling, I was becoming more and more happier, not for the success of the team, but with every wicket, I saw myself getting a better go in the 2nd innings. This is that kind of a tournament where you as an individual have everything to gain and lose. The team doesn’t come into picture. The 2nd day was very good for me. I did not play a great part in that day’s proceedings, but North Zone conceded a lead, and more importantly, I was getting a chance to bat next day. The first ball of the next day will see me bat again with Sanju.
This was a very consequential evening for me. I had some good time chatting with my friends and most of the time; I guess I sounded a loser. But it was fun to get some time off cricket. I had my dinner. I had my roommates with whom I chatted deep into the night. Then we called it quits and decided to sleep.
I required a break from the fun we were having all evening. All because I had a very important day to play. A make or break day. May be more of “break” and less of “make”. All negative thoughts started crossing my mind. The difficulty in batting (both teams got dismissed in a day each), the decent opposition bowling, probably a bad patch of batting form to beat, last chance, if not a big one. I started thinking of the 10 odd years I had toiled to become a cricketer. I thought of the sacrifices I made in life. I thought of the expectations I had set for myself and my loved ones. All for a ball on day one? Now I had a chance to prove. I had 3 opponents to overcome. The opposition team, my team management and the selectors. Ironically, the opposition team was the easiest to negotiate. I didn’t have a great inter-district tournament where I led Palakkad. I started off well but then gave away my wicket. I was well prepared for any kind of bowling. But match situations had been troubling me. I started thinking of people who had doubted my talent. The selectors, the club, the district, I was giving everyone a chance to doubt my talent. More than anything else, I started doubting myself. It is a very difficult situation to handle. The last person who will doubt your talent is you, and I had already reached there.
Then I said to myself that if there was a chance, it was there in offing the next day. I had started putting pressure on myself. It was one of the toughest hours of my life. All 10 years of effort and now I question myself. All 10 years of sacrifices, and now I question myself. I decided that it was time I stopped thinking of what others would perceive about me. I had to prove to myself that I could hold the bat and score runs. I set a target for myself. 35 runs in the 2nd inning. I very well knew that an innings as mediocre as this would neither clinch me a spot in the state team, nor will it ensure me a berth in next match. But I needed just 35 runs, all to prove to myself that I am a decent cricketer. I am not sure if I could sleep all night. I was wondering where those 35 runs would come from. I was under a lot of pressure. I could see numerous balls that could have dismissed me but very few of which I could have scored off. All the negative vibes that could have come had starter descending in my mind. But all I wanted was just 35 runs, just to prove to myself and no one else. I was thinking that I will stop playing cricket after returning to Kochin, satisfied, had I scored those 35 runs.
I woke up the next day (if I had slept the previous night) not hearing what others were saying. My mind was clogged. I was just thinking of those 35 runs. I went into the ground. I did the warm up and catching practice. I never tap before batting in the match (one of the many superstitions I had). I didn’t realize that there was life around me and within me too. All I had in my mind were those 35 runs. I somehow had to get those runs.
I padded up and went on to bat. All my friends in the team wished me luck. It hardly mattered, though I wanted all those luck. If I could count 10 runs for each wish I got that day! I again did not take the strike and Sanju was welcoming that. I saw off the 1st ball that I had to face. I was hardly able to lift my bat during the 1st over I played. I had also left a ball that went just over the stumps. I had to see of a lot of balls before I could get off the mark in the match. The 1st run gave me a great deal of relief. It reduced my margin by a run and each run was costlier than gold. I counted till I reached 18. Those 18 runs were very difficult to come by. But yes, they had come. I started feeling more and more comfortable and I had scored 18. This was one of my slowest 18s after I moved out to Kochin. I went on to bat well till lunch. I didn’t have a score in mind. I had a target and that was the next ball. I had to survive that ball and then the next. I played a perfect waiting game. I batted till lunch. I had scored around 38 by that time. I had crossed score I wanted to cross. I had proven to myself that I belonged there. Nothing I did all 10 years had gone waste. I came back after lunch, more relieved. I continued to go on and score my 50. I continued to bat the same way, ball by ball, ball after ball. Then came the moment when I did the unthinkable. I scored a century. I would have given anything for a 3 figure mark the previous night. And here I was, standing with my bat high in the air, more relieved than excited. A proud moment of my life, not for having scored a century, but for having overcome many odds in doing so. I went on to score 135 and was given out LBW.
In reality, that innings was just another 100 I had scored. The occasion was a good one as I had scored it at a very important time in my career. It was sweet because I had responded to my doubts about myself. It was great because I had only one way to survive, and I did exactly that. It was fulfilling because I alone had fight multiple battles on a single day, the most ferocious of them being the one in my mind. I wouldn’t have achieved anything, had I not had an undivided objective of scoring those 35 runs.
I scored those 35 runs and my determination gave me the other 100 !